what's ur fav joke about a

[Volunteer Zeke]

country music artist

1 of mine

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the
inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she
wanted.
He says: "OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair
with your legs apart".
She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he's done, blows
off the dust and admires his work.
"Who the heck's that?" she says. "It's Paul McCartney", he replies.
"Doesn't look like him at all" says she. "Now get it right or I'll
report you".
So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a
better job. Finally he's done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.
The woman is pissed off "No way that's Paul Mccartney" she says. "It
bloody well is" says the man. "Listen I'll get a second opinion" He goes
out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk
who's been stumbling along the sidewalk. The tattooist drags the drunk
into his store. There's the woman, sitting legs apart with nothing on
below her waist. The tattoist says to the drunk (pointing at the womans
legs)... "Tell me who the hell you think that is". The drunk says (in a
drunken slur voice), "I've no idea who the people are on her thighs but
the guy in the middle is a dead ringer for Willie Nelson"!

[[e-mail] (Noah Tall)]

Post by Volunteer Zeke
"I've no idea who the people are on her thighs but
the guy in the middle is a dead ringer for Willie Nelson"!<

There actually is a picture or pictures of Willie Nelson "in the
middle" of a woman's legs that's been circulating around the internet
for years. As you can imagine, it's pretty funny because it's so
lifelike.

My friends obviously know I like Willie, so every so often when they
inevitably get it in their e-mail, they ALWAYS forward it to me.

Funny stuff !

[Volunteer Zeke]

The new preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty. One day he decided
to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately.
He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she
answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!"
"No ma'am," he replied. "I'm your new pastor, and I just stopped by to
have a prayer with you." So she said come right on in. He visited
several more homes, and everyone thought he was Conway Twitty.
Then he came to a widow woman's house on the end of the street. She was
taking a shower at the time, so she just wrapped a towel around her and
opened the door. When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which
allowed the towel to fall to the floor. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed.
"It's Conway Twitty!"
And he said, "Hello, Darlin!"

[Volunteer Zeke]

The new preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty. One day he decided
to visit some of the church members who hadn't been to service lately.
He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door. When she
answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!"
"No ma'am," he replied. "I'm your new pastor, and I just stopped by to
have a prayer with you." So she said come right on in. He visited
several more homes, and everyone thought he was Conway Twitty.
Then he came to a widow woman's house on the end of the street. She was
taking a shower at the time, so she just wrapped a towel around her and
opened the door. When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which
allowed the towel to fall to the floor. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed.
"It's Conway Twitty!"
And he said, "Hello, Darlin!"

[Volunteer Zeke]

fer Esker

What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
The chain saw has greater dynamic range.


What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
"Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"


What do you say to a banjo player in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"


There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo, unless of
course it's the sound of a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner.


Female five string banjoist shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded
shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string."

[Sam Manella]

A very healthy, spry-looking 95-year-old man moves into a nursing home.
He walks up to a frail looking man walking down the hall with a walker,
and says: "How old do you think I am?" The man answers: "I'd say 60."
"Nope, I'm 95!" the man boasts. Down the hall, he sees a woman in a room
watching TV from a wheelchair & walks up to her and asks her to guess his
age. Right away she unzips his fly & fondles him for a few minutes, then
looks at him and says: "You're 95." The man looks at her incredulously
and asks: "How did you know that?" She shrugs and says: "I heard you tell
the fellow in the hall."

[[e-mail] (Noah Tall)]

On Jun 25, 9:33?pm, Sam Manella <***@mexicanrestaurants.net>
wrote:

LOL !!!! Very good !!!!!

Post by Sam Manella
Down the hall, he sees a woman in a room
watching TV from a wheelchair & walks up to her and asks her to guess his
age. Right away she unzips his fly & fondles him for a few minutes, then
looks at him and says: "You're 95." The man looks at her incredulously
and asks: "How did you know that?" She shrugs and says: "I heard you tell
the fellow in the hall."<

Reminds me of one :

A woman goes into the supermarket to pick up a few things late at
night. She just gets some very generic items like toothpaste, milk,
toilet paper etc Goes to the check-out and not surprisingly since it's
2AM, behind her in line is a homeless fellow three sheets to the wind.
As he sways back and forth watching her items being scanned he
announces "You must be single. " Startled and slightly taken aback at
this seemingly inebriated man's perceptiveness she stammers and
admits, that well yes she is. Again looking at her items, toothpaste,
milk , toilet paper etc, she can't see a single clue that would give
away her marital status allowing this total stranger to size her up so
quickly and accurately.

Amazed, she silently paid the cashier and started to walk out the
door. Finally, she just coudn't contain her curiosity any longer, and
as she was leaving she stopped and walked back to the scruffily ill-
dressed gentleman behind her in line and said " Excuse me, but I just
have to know. How in the world were you able to figure out that I was
single ? "

The drunk just swayed back and forth and announced "Oh that was easy !
YOU'RE UGLY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

[[e-mail] (Noah Tall)]

Post by Volunteer Zeke
fer Esker
What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
The chain saw has greater dynamic range.<

What's the difference between a banjo PLAYER and a chain saw ?

The chain saw has teeth ! :)

Sorry, I couldn't resist ! :) Just kidding. :)

Thanks for the jokes !