If God Says It's So... IT MUST BE SO : )

[[e-mail] (Noah Tall)]

Almost Heaven - John Denver : )

BALANCE

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel,
found him, resting on the seventh day.He inquired, "Where have you
been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
Look,
Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said. "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example,
Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while
Southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a
continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black
people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be
extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area
and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There
are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills,
and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be
handsome,
modest, intelligent, and humorous,and they are going to travel the
world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving,
carriers of peace, and producers of software."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But
what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "There's another Washington . Wait till you see the
idiots I put there."

[Pete E. Kruzer]

Post by ***@aol.com (Noah Tall)
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to
call it  Earth

And then LAWNS were invented.

GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world
is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance
garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought
and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms
attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected
to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green
rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The
Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers “weeds” and went to
great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It’s
temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and
poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they
cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut
back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth
and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren’t going to believe this Lord. When the grass
stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water
it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves
in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn
they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in
the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the
leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It’s a natural circle of
life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a
new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great
piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it
around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us
tonight?”

ST. CATHERINE: “Dumb and Dumber”, Lord. It’s a really stupid movie
about…..

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

[Undisclosed Recepiant]

sorry bout 1st post

fingers cramped & I hit send


Re: If God Says It's So... IT MUST BE SO : )

Group: alt.music.country.classic Date: Wed, Sep 9, 2009, 5:12am (EDT-3)
From: ***@comcast.net (Pete=A0E.=A0Kruzer)
On Sep 9, 7:02=A0am, "***@aol.com (Noah Tall)"
<***@aol.com> wrote:
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to
call it =A0Earth
And then LAWNS were invented.
GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world
is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance
garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought
and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms
attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to
see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green
rectangles.
ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to
kill them and replace them with grass.
GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
that grass growing there?
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and
keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning
any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they
cut it-sometimes twice a week.
GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
bags.
GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut
back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and
saves them a lot of work.
ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so
they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in
the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they
fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the
soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves
form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a
new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles
and pay to have them hauled away.
GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around
in place of the leaves.
GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
you're in charge of the arts. What movie have they scheduled for us
tonight?"
ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a really stupid movie
about=85..
GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.


St Catherine:
"St Francis Told you what Willie Nelson does with Weeds & Grass!"

[Undisclosed Recepiant]